"1,913 - Silence (3)

*From my book "1,913

He’d dropped off the face of the earth; blinked out of existence. Even Thomas hadn’t heard from him; he had stop showing up to work. Who knows where He went. I wish I could have said, “Who cares,” but I couldn’t. Thoughts of him taunted my mind. Why should this person, who I hardly knew, bring such a chaos of questions to my head? There was something about him; something He had. Not something that could be seen, but it was there. Perhaps I didn't possess this quality and that's why I was nothing to him.

My mind brought great comfort to my heart with its lies, “Perhaps you were too much for him. You were too much of what He needed and wanted in a time when He couldn't take. He must have been torn between you and prior obligations.” That would have been nice. The thought He might be avoiding me because He wanted me and knew He shouldn't. Ah, the schemes my brain invents to sooth my sad heart.

I kept trying to end his chapter in my life; I would tell myself He wasn’t worth all these words, but I couldn't. He would sneak into my every thought. Like the sound of silence, once you hear it, it drowns out everything else.

How did He do it? At first I thought it was a flaw of my own, but then I was sure He was doing something to me, forcing something into my head. Why would He do this? If He didn't want me fine, but why wouldn’t He let me forget him?!

Obviously that was not what was going on. I had to do something to finalize him in my mind and in my text.

But what?