"1,913 - Im/possibilities (6)

*From my book "1,913

So I waited.

I waited for the perfect time to make my move. The time when I’d have the exact right thing to say, and he’d be powerless to refuse it. That time was tomorrow.

Always tomorrow.

Tomorrow I’d have more time. Tomorrow I’d be braver. I sat with the phone in my hand and his number on the screen, but I couldn’t press it. I wanted to, but some lurking thought told me not to call, “No, now’s not the right time.”

I know what it was; I felt like this time had to be the last time. But how many times had I said that before? When was the time he’d no longer put up with it; when was enough enough? It seems like being aware of that possibility should have made the obvious sink in; he didn’t want me and only didn’t want to hurt my feelings.

Even those who accept hopelessness can respect others’ feelings. How far should a person go to protect feelings? Isn’t there a point where protection makes it worse; perpetuates the cycle? If there is such point, it had been crossed.

The problem was I felt like a different person when Nathan and I were alone. All the drama surrounding life faded, and every word spoken was truth. Truth which understands its own infinite impossibilities. The kind of truth few people recognize and even less accept. As a direct result, I felt like circumstances that seem typical and obvious to others didn’t apply to us.
I can’t overlook the possibility that He knew He made me feel this way, but I also couldn’t convince myself what I felt when I was with him wasn’t real.

Impossibilities.